On Australia

I'm heading out of Australia tomorrow, so now's the time to state my opinion of the place. But before I do, I have to tell a funny story about a lady I met in some small town while hitch-hiking. She was an older lady with a lot of charactor, one of the few 'Real People' I've ever met. She had one brown tooth that projected horizontally out of her mouth and it was difficult not to stare at it when she spoke. We chatted for a while about nothing, as strangers do, until the conversation shifted to her little dog. She was upset that the vet had the audacity to suggest that he should be casterated. The lady would have none of that. I looked at her little dog and asked (I already knew the answer) "is that a Jack Russel Terrier?"

She replied that he was part Jack and part Chihuahua. But I couldn't see it. He looked like a pure Jack Russel to me. At that she picked up the little dog by the guts with one hand and pointed his back end at my face. And held him there for me to look.

"What do you think of that?" She asked with a sence of pride.

I was shocked and really didn't know what I was supposed to be looking at. I have no idea what the defining features of a Chihuahua's ass are. I pretended to stare inquisitively for a minute, paused and remarked "Oh yea, I see." in a way that I hoped would convince her to place the dog back on the ground.

The lady burst into laughter. "Aren't those the skinniest legs you've ever seen!?"

I enthusiastically agreed, relieved that we didn't have to talk about any other part of the dog. I guess Chihuahuas are known for their skinny legs.

So now it's on to my opinion of Australia.

In one honest sentence; Australia has no culture.

They have no distinctive art or music, and the food is overly bland. The only kind of cheese they have is called "Tasty". They use the word "Spicy" to mean they have added some kind of spice to the food. The bakeries don't smell like bread, and the fruit isn't fresh. The culinary concoction most highly celibrated by Australians is the boring old meat pie.
Australians choose to spend most of their money on fuel so they may spend most of their free time commuting to and from work in single-occupant vehicles. They, like Americans seem to make too much money to care about each other, or their own environmental footprint. While in the middle of their worst drought ever with reservours at 13% of full, they continue to squander their water as if it's limitless. And, also like Americans, they are distrusting of their community members and fearful of some unseen danger, some ax-murderer lurking around every shady corner (I've been warned about him more than a dozen times). Last of all, Australians speak like children. A list of every day Australian words and their American translations will illustrate my case:
Brekky - breakfast
Wakie-wakie - get your ass out of bed
avo - avocado
choccy - tastes like chocolate
veg - vegtables
mackie - McDonnalds
Nappie -Diaper
Lippie - Lipstick.
Footty - Foot ball

And they eat Vegamite (which, by the way isn't even Australian, it's made by Kraft). For those who are unfamiliar, Vegamite is a tar-like spread that Australians put on everything. They eat it three times a day, and even sing songs about it. It has the flavor of burnt salt.

So thanks Australia, You're a 'nice' place with 'friendly' people. I've had many good times and formed heaps of lifelong memories, but I'm glad to be moving on.

This is my final Transmission from the Southern Hemisphere. Happy travels to all. Next Stop, Costa Rica!